THE PREDICTABLE BREAKDOWN OF INFLUENCE AND RELATIONSHIPS
(This article is also available in PDF at the bottom of this page.)
Active listening is an essential technique that successful and well-adapted people demonstrate. It’s simple to apply, but difficult to master. Without this skill you cannot be effective in your communication, influence, problem-solving, job performance or even relationships (professional and personal), regardless of your position, rank or status.
(This article is also available in PDF at the bottom of this page.)
Active listening is an essential technique that successful and well-adapted people demonstrate. It’s simple to apply, but difficult to master. Without this skill you cannot be effective in your communication, influence, problem-solving, job performance or even relationships (professional and personal), regardless of your position, rank or status.
WHAT IS
ACTIVE LISTENING?
The
listener is actively engaged in paying attention to the speaker’s words in
addition to behaviors, emotions, and body language, while preparing to repeat
back what was said using the speaker’s own words and intentions.
80%
of communication is non-verbal. In the
process of preparing to repeat back what was said by using the speaker’s own
words and intentions, the active listener is challenged to keep mentally present
and suspend judgment, premature argument, and bias. The listener can only ask clarifying questions.
EVERYDAY PASSIVE
LISTENING CREATES PREDICTABLE CONFLICT
Applying
this technique does not imply agreement with the speaker. It’s easy to witness the lack of
demonstrating this skill by a passive listener, which frequently leads to
misunderstanding or conflict. A passive
listener might paraphrase back in his/her own words, which becomes the
listener’s bias. The listener’s personality
style is trying to apply meaning, which might not express what the speaker
intended and shows that the listener is not fully attentive. The passive listener might also be mentally
preparing to “ambush” the speaker by listening to weaknesses of the statements
in order to attack the speaker’s position, or support the listener’s perspective.
VALUABLE IMPACT
The
impact of active listening demonstrates respect, empathy, common ground of
language and understanding without assumptions.
It also enhances comprehension and retention. High performing people engage this technique
to be more significantly more effective and influential.
HOW TO APPLY
IT
Active
listening is a simple technique, yet incredible difficult to master because your
own style gets in the way, or pressure to respond, or perform can cause you to
push and negatively impact your ability to be mentally present. Here are a few tips:
2)
Recognize
your own style to not let distorting filters drive or blind you;
3)
Observe
body language, words, styles, and emotions to capture intention;
4) Repeat back
what you heard using the speaker’s own words.
This is also called “reflective listening.” Followed by:
“Is what I said what you meant?”
“Is what I said what you meant?”
5) Ask
open-ended or clarifying questions, such as:
“What is the best way you would like me to respond?”
“My impression is that you are frustrated, is that accurate?” or “Are you angry?”
“Is it accurate that….”
“How can I support you?”
“What if the opposite were true?”
“Describe for me…”
“What is the best way you would like me to respond?”
“My impression is that you are frustrated, is that accurate?” or “Are you angry?”
“Is it accurate that….”
“How can I support you?”
“What if the opposite were true?”
“Describe for me…”
- (c) Ken Sergi. Do not post or publish without permission. It's ok to link.
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